rambux
02-02-2008, 02:48 PM
I believe this site could serve us much better if they allowed us to give direct feedback re a site on the review page itself. Sir Rodney does this, although at the moment Sir Rodney seems to have his balls cut off.
I hereby submit my article '100 things I HATE about porn'.
EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT PORN
SHAVED PUSSIES - My ultimate pet hate. Not the fact that it occurs, but the fact that, like habitat destruction, it has reached epidemic proportions. What's with this? I just don't get it! Shaved pussies look to me like little girl's quims - surely that isn't saying something about the American psyche? Are Americian women, like Islamic women, shaving their pussies as some kind of protest against the current USA President? (No Bush) Sure, no one wants wants an amazonian rainforest full of creepy crawlies (such as in Abbey Winters), BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE, LEAVE A BIT OF HABITAT! Pubic hair says something about the girl being a mature, adult,sexual being.
FALSE BOOBS - I don't know why so many porn stars do it! They look fake and phoney, and are a complete turn-off.
STAGED SCENES - Of course I understand that all porn is, to some extent, staged. BUT THERE IS STAGED AND THERE IS STAGED! The kind of thing I'm talking about such things as: 'pussy lick poses' - where the licking is staged to an extent that there isn't even contact between tongue and twat. Also in this category is where both girls are looking at the camera and smiling most pics, instead of being erotically absorbed in each other. When so many girls are willing to do real lesbian scene, I cannot understand why, in the name of all good fuck, they come up with this kind of bullshit.
FINGER IN THE MOUTH POSE - Another one of my pet hates. Makes the girl look like a bogon (That's Australian for a John Howard voter)
PHONEY STUFF - Eg fake cum: pics or clips suddenly jump past the 'cum shot', and suddenly she's got milky, runny fluid all over her face (or, in one case, her feet, - what bullshit!). If they MUST use false cum, why can't they use something that actually looks like it? (Selley's 'Clag' might be worth trying)
MISSED CUM SHOTS IN PICS SETS eg we miss seeing the jet of semen jetting into the girl's face, mouth, etc In many of these shoots, it's clear they are not videod (if so, where are the vids?) If they are not filmed, why is it so hard to snap the moment of ejaculation? David Lace seems to manage it ok - why can't most of the other sites?
MALE-FEMALE SHOOTS WITHOUT A CUM SHOT - What, in fuck's name, is the point? (Usually from shit, sub-standard sites)
MALE WANKING CUM SHOTS - The usual scenario, but one of the most bullshit one. If the guys can't squirt when some of those women are touching their cocks, there's something wrong with them. It's a far bigger turn-on when the woman jacks him off - either by mouth or by hand. (Aurora Snow is good at this.)
CUM SHOTS WITH ALMOST NO PAYLOAD - what has the so-called stud been doing for the last few days? Wanking or fucking himself stupid? Why is it so hard for him to 'store up' for a few days, and then produce a vigourous jet on the girl's face? Instead, we often get feeble drops of clear fluid - make even more pathetic by overdone groans as he tries to convince us how ecstatic he is.
MAN MAKES NO NOISE WHEN HE COMES. I don't know any guys who come in silence. A big, rasping groan or roar conveys to all and sundry the effect the woman has had on his prick. Worst of all is the guy from so-called 'exploited teens' where, as he comes, he talks to the girls likes he's giving a maths lesson.
TEENS THAT LOOK LIKE STICK FIGURES - I have nothing against petite women - providing they look natural. Some of them, like Maryanne, are really erotic, and I wouldn't have her any other way. But some webmasters seem to have it in their skulls that teens have to be lean and thin. When did THEY last vist a high school? (Probablly got kicked out yr 9 and haven't been back since) I know plenty of teens who are really voluptuous. Yet We hardly ever see them on teen sites. Why not? I certainly don't have a 'big firl' fetish, but why can't we be real about teens, instead of projecting a stupid fantasy on them?
LICKING THROUGH CLOTHING - I don't know about the models, but when a chick sucks MY dick, I prefer to feel her wet tongue again it (as opposed to through the thick fabric of my trousers.). Licking through knickers, bras, trouser's etc is bullshit.
PREMATURE EXPOSURE OF THE PUSSY - In pic sets. Eg about pic 5, before the girl has shown any nudity, we get the crotch of the knickers pulled aside from a pussy spread. Complete bullshit. The sense of the erotic tease is ruined TeenDreams is one of the worst offenders in this regard.
MODELS THAT DON'T SMILE - A small problem these days, but it still happens occasionally. Mainly on sites which have air about themselves, and has this dumb-as-dogshit idea that somehow its more upper-class not to smile. A complete erotic turn-off. In the best art shoots (eg FemJoy) the girl is usually smiling.
DRUG AFFECTED GIRLS Sometimes the model is a druggie who's going through the motions to feed her habit. For God's sake don't employ them - get them to rehab! The heart of good sex is good health.
DRAB, COLOURLESS SETTINGS - And drab, colourless clothing. A bright, happy setting lifts the girls' spirits - and mine. The only exceptions are dungeon or BDSM stuff, where a dark setting is part of the deal - and even then, a bright red thin lightning bolt or devil's star really adds to the scene.
BIG KNICKERS/UNDIES THAT LOOK LIKE THEY BELONG IN GRANDMA'S WARDROBE - Another complete turn-off, Yet it's amazing how often we see them.
BIG, HEAVY LOOKING BRAS (ESPECIALLY WHITE) There are plenty of good support for women that ook really erotic. Use them; don't raid grandma's wardrobe (again!)
DUBBING - Even worse when you can hear both the 'artists', and over the top, the dubbing voices. Dubbing completely robs the scene of any of its naturalness. Sometimes there is no sound at all. One of the worst offenders is sapphic erotic - done because the models are none-english speakers, I guess. A shame, because in most other ways, sapphic erotica is a really good site. I would rather hear the performers gasping and saying 'fuck me baby' in Russian or Italian than to have no sound at all.
FUCKED UP PICTURE SEQUENCES - again for picture sets. This comes down to site organization. This is one thing that really gives me the shits - If you can't get the sequence right, get your shit off the web! I understand that peoples' taste differ. Other might want to add their own pet hates. But having bagged the shit out the shit, I think it only fair to give a synopsis of my ideal site.
MY IDEAL SITE:
1. KEEN EAGER GIRLS - Ideally amateur, or semi-professional. They look like they're enjoying the shoots. Genuine first-timers are best of all.
2. NATURAL LOOKING GIRLS - a moderately attractive, natural girl - with a smile - looks far more erotic that a production-line false-boobed, false-tanned pron star.
3. GOOD, EASY NAVIGATION - needs to be simple, clear, and revolve around the girl. Each shoot - pics or video sets - are access by thumbnail pics of the girl
4. THUMBNAIL ACCESS PICS - should be the girl's face (with a smile). Smile and eyes are the first point of contact in erotica. I HATE those sites where the access thumbnail shows her nude and spread.
5. A RANGE OF SHOOTS FOR EACH GIRL - pics and videos Of course this may depend upon the girl's limits - and that's OK. Pics might range from a straight strip, toys, lesbian, hardcore, etc. Videos the same. But don't bother with girls who won't do full-frontal nudeity and pussy spreads. What's the point?
6. SETS NOT TOO LONG - For videos, in my opinion, a scene which can't 'state its case' in 20 minutes (My preference would be 15) is too long - unless it's fucken' good. After 20 minutes, it passes from erotic excitement and rampant lust to exhuastion - for Both actors and viewer. I've got things to do with my day (and night), and 30 minutes is a long time to keep a stiffy withou acting on it. For a strip scene, or toys, anything longer than ten minutes is too long, unless the girl is masturbating. For pics sets, I would set the limit at 100 pics fore a strip, and 150 for a sex scene - unless it's really good. For strip pics sets, full nudity should be reached somewhere btween half way to 2 thirds the way. I've seen some shoots where full nudity is not
reached until the last pics - that's crap.
7. ZIP OPTIONS - for both pics and vids (or full movie download option for vids)
8. DOWNLOAD MOVIE OPTION A MUST - Any site which doesn't allow this is a rip-off. One of the worst offenders is the group of sites Her First Big Cock; Teens For Cash; & sister sites. They charge a high price, yet you cannot
download vids. You have to buy hard copies of them - that's a rip-off
9. PICS AND VIDS NEED TO BE GOOD QUALITY. Having Broadband makes a difference.
I hereby submit my article '100 things I HATE about porn'.
EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT PORN
SHAVED PUSSIES - My ultimate pet hate. Not the fact that it occurs, but the fact that, like habitat destruction, it has reached epidemic proportions. What's with this? I just don't get it! Shaved pussies look to me like little girl's quims - surely that isn't saying something about the American psyche? Are Americian women, like Islamic women, shaving their pussies as some kind of protest against the current USA President? (No Bush) Sure, no one wants wants an amazonian rainforest full of creepy crawlies (such as in Abbey Winters), BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE, LEAVE A BIT OF HABITAT! Pubic hair says something about the girl being a mature, adult,sexual being.
FALSE BOOBS - I don't know why so many porn stars do it! They look fake and phoney, and are a complete turn-off.
STAGED SCENES - Of course I understand that all porn is, to some extent, staged. BUT THERE IS STAGED AND THERE IS STAGED! The kind of thing I'm talking about such things as: 'pussy lick poses' - where the licking is staged to an extent that there isn't even contact between tongue and twat. Also in this category is where both girls are looking at the camera and smiling most pics, instead of being erotically absorbed in each other. When so many girls are willing to do real lesbian scene, I cannot understand why, in the name of all good fuck, they come up with this kind of bullshit.
FINGER IN THE MOUTH POSE - Another one of my pet hates. Makes the girl look like a bogon (That's Australian for a John Howard voter)
PHONEY STUFF - Eg fake cum: pics or clips suddenly jump past the 'cum shot', and suddenly she's got milky, runny fluid all over her face (or, in one case, her feet, - what bullshit!). If they MUST use false cum, why can't they use something that actually looks like it? (Selley's 'Clag' might be worth trying)
MISSED CUM SHOTS IN PICS SETS eg we miss seeing the jet of semen jetting into the girl's face, mouth, etc In many of these shoots, it's clear they are not videod (if so, where are the vids?) If they are not filmed, why is it so hard to snap the moment of ejaculation? David Lace seems to manage it ok - why can't most of the other sites?
MALE-FEMALE SHOOTS WITHOUT A CUM SHOT - What, in fuck's name, is the point? (Usually from shit, sub-standard sites)
MALE WANKING CUM SHOTS - The usual scenario, but one of the most bullshit one. If the guys can't squirt when some of those women are touching their cocks, there's something wrong with them. It's a far bigger turn-on when the woman jacks him off - either by mouth or by hand. (Aurora Snow is good at this.)
CUM SHOTS WITH ALMOST NO PAYLOAD - what has the so-called stud been doing for the last few days? Wanking or fucking himself stupid? Why is it so hard for him to 'store up' for a few days, and then produce a vigourous jet on the girl's face? Instead, we often get feeble drops of clear fluid - make even more pathetic by overdone groans as he tries to convince us how ecstatic he is.
MAN MAKES NO NOISE WHEN HE COMES. I don't know any guys who come in silence. A big, rasping groan or roar conveys to all and sundry the effect the woman has had on his prick. Worst of all is the guy from so-called 'exploited teens' where, as he comes, he talks to the girls likes he's giving a maths lesson.
TEENS THAT LOOK LIKE STICK FIGURES - I have nothing against petite women - providing they look natural. Some of them, like Maryanne, are really erotic, and I wouldn't have her any other way. But some webmasters seem to have it in their skulls that teens have to be lean and thin. When did THEY last vist a high school? (Probablly got kicked out yr 9 and haven't been back since) I know plenty of teens who are really voluptuous. Yet We hardly ever see them on teen sites. Why not? I certainly don't have a 'big firl' fetish, but why can't we be real about teens, instead of projecting a stupid fantasy on them?
LICKING THROUGH CLOTHING - I don't know about the models, but when a chick sucks MY dick, I prefer to feel her wet tongue again it (as opposed to through the thick fabric of my trousers.). Licking through knickers, bras, trouser's etc is bullshit.
PREMATURE EXPOSURE OF THE PUSSY - In pic sets. Eg about pic 5, before the girl has shown any nudity, we get the crotch of the knickers pulled aside from a pussy spread. Complete bullshit. The sense of the erotic tease is ruined TeenDreams is one of the worst offenders in this regard.
MODELS THAT DON'T SMILE - A small problem these days, but it still happens occasionally. Mainly on sites which have air about themselves, and has this dumb-as-dogshit idea that somehow its more upper-class not to smile. A complete erotic turn-off. In the best art shoots (eg FemJoy) the girl is usually smiling.
DRUG AFFECTED GIRLS Sometimes the model is a druggie who's going through the motions to feed her habit. For God's sake don't employ them - get them to rehab! The heart of good sex is good health.
DRAB, COLOURLESS SETTINGS - And drab, colourless clothing. A bright, happy setting lifts the girls' spirits - and mine. The only exceptions are dungeon or BDSM stuff, where a dark setting is part of the deal - and even then, a bright red thin lightning bolt or devil's star really adds to the scene.
BIG KNICKERS/UNDIES THAT LOOK LIKE THEY BELONG IN GRANDMA'S WARDROBE - Another complete turn-off, Yet it's amazing how often we see them.
BIG, HEAVY LOOKING BRAS (ESPECIALLY WHITE) There are plenty of good support for women that ook really erotic. Use them; don't raid grandma's wardrobe (again!)
DUBBING - Even worse when you can hear both the 'artists', and over the top, the dubbing voices. Dubbing completely robs the scene of any of its naturalness. Sometimes there is no sound at all. One of the worst offenders is sapphic erotic - done because the models are none-english speakers, I guess. A shame, because in most other ways, sapphic erotica is a really good site. I would rather hear the performers gasping and saying 'fuck me baby' in Russian or Italian than to have no sound at all.
FUCKED UP PICTURE SEQUENCES - again for picture sets. This comes down to site organization. This is one thing that really gives me the shits - If you can't get the sequence right, get your shit off the web! I understand that peoples' taste differ. Other might want to add their own pet hates. But having bagged the shit out the shit, I think it only fair to give a synopsis of my ideal site.
MY IDEAL SITE:
1. KEEN EAGER GIRLS - Ideally amateur, or semi-professional. They look like they're enjoying the shoots. Genuine first-timers are best of all.
2. NATURAL LOOKING GIRLS - a moderately attractive, natural girl - with a smile - looks far more erotic that a production-line false-boobed, false-tanned pron star.
3. GOOD, EASY NAVIGATION - needs to be simple, clear, and revolve around the girl. Each shoot - pics or video sets - are access by thumbnail pics of the girl
4. THUMBNAIL ACCESS PICS - should be the girl's face (with a smile). Smile and eyes are the first point of contact in erotica. I HATE those sites where the access thumbnail shows her nude and spread.
5. A RANGE OF SHOOTS FOR EACH GIRL - pics and videos Of course this may depend upon the girl's limits - and that's OK. Pics might range from a straight strip, toys, lesbian, hardcore, etc. Videos the same. But don't bother with girls who won't do full-frontal nudeity and pussy spreads. What's the point?
6. SETS NOT TOO LONG - For videos, in my opinion, a scene which can't 'state its case' in 20 minutes (My preference would be 15) is too long - unless it's fucken' good. After 20 minutes, it passes from erotic excitement and rampant lust to exhuastion - for Both actors and viewer. I've got things to do with my day (and night), and 30 minutes is a long time to keep a stiffy withou acting on it. For a strip scene, or toys, anything longer than ten minutes is too long, unless the girl is masturbating. For pics sets, I would set the limit at 100 pics fore a strip, and 150 for a sex scene - unless it's really good. For strip pics sets, full nudity should be reached somewhere btween half way to 2 thirds the way. I've seen some shoots where full nudity is not
reached until the last pics - that's crap.
7. ZIP OPTIONS - for both pics and vids (or full movie download option for vids)
8. DOWNLOAD MOVIE OPTION A MUST - Any site which doesn't allow this is a rip-off. One of the worst offenders is the group of sites Her First Big Cock; Teens For Cash; & sister sites. They charge a high price, yet you cannot
download vids. You have to buy hard copies of them - that's a rip-off
9. PICS AND VIDS NEED TO BE GOOD QUALITY. Having Broadband makes a difference.