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Reviewed by Joseph, 2007-07-13
Categories: Celebrity, Softcore, Videos, Movies
Visit Celebs Movies Online
| Review summary: Celbs Movies Online is a fairly standard celeb site. They specialize in videos, and have quite an extensive collection with decent quality MPGs and previews as well as a picture archive. It doesn't set itself apart from most other celeb sites though. |
Ah, celebrities! We cheer them when they’re up, kick them when they’re down, mourn them when they die prematurely (you will live on in our hearts forever, Anna Nicole!) and laugh at them when they go to jail for driving under the influence (oh, Nick Nolte, will you never learn?). And, of course, we yearn to see ‘em in the buff — how else would you explain the existence of so many nude celebrity sites? Seriously, there are a lot of these sites out there and most of ‘em contain all the same photos and videos of all the same stars. In case you hadn’t guessed already, I’ll spell it out in big letters for you: Celebs Movies Online is one of these sites. Yup, Celebs Movies Online is the latest in a very long line of adult websites peddling photos and flicks of famous flesh. But is there anything about Celebs Movies Online that makes it stand out from the pack? And, more importantly, will I ever get the lid offa this goddamned pickle jar?! Let’s find out, kids.
Like the content on most nude celeb sites, the content on Celebs Movies Online is not exclusive and a fair amount of it is comprised of fakes. What is the point of continuing to circulate all these crummy fakes anyway? I pity the poor fool who has the free time to Photoshop Sheryl Crow’s head over the photo of a random girl’s naked body… Anyway, Celebs Movies Online has a pretty good selection of well-known babes; sure, the usual subjects are found here (Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, etc.), but I also found some more obscure folks, like Liz Phair and D’arcy Wretzky from the Smashing Pumpkins.
The main members area of Celebs Movies Online, which isn’t much to look at, contains a handful of links to a list of videos, a list of pictures, a list of home videos, a selection of material featuring WWF Divas, a list of movies, a database full of famous folks’ addresses (over fifteen thousand in all, including Judy Tenuta!) and a list of singers. You can browse these massive lists if you have all the time in the world or you can use Celebs Movies Online’s handy search engine to find your favorite stars. It should be noted that some singers (like Courtney Love and Madonna) cannot actually be found in the list of singers. It should also be noted that I found a picture of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez in Lisa Loeb’s little area of Celebs Movies Online. I don’t know why I thought that needed to be noted. Unlike most nude celebrity sites, Celebs Movies Online does not contain any biographical information about any of the starlets on the site.
All told, there are over ten thousand photos on this site, most of which are branded by watermarks. The quality of these photos varies (remember, none of these pics are exclusive to Celebs Movies Online, so they all come from numerous wildly different sources), but I can tell you this: There are no high-resolution pics on this site. Well, there might be some tucked away somewhere, but the vast majority of these photos are small and unimpressive, not unlike my manhood (just kidding, ladies!); this sad revelation should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever joined a nude celebrity site before.
Apparently, there are over fifty thousand videos on Celebs Movies Online, most of which were taken from popular movies and TV shows. The length and quality of these clips fluctuate wildly. All of these MPEG videos are downloadable and contain no DRM.
The most intriguing videos on Celebs Movies Online are the home videos. These home videos can more accurately be called sex tapes and feature the likes of Allison Williams, Brandy Sanders, Carrie Tucker, Gorgeous George, Jordan, Kate Ritchie, Linda Blair, Pamela Anderson, Samantha Robson, Tonya Harding and Virginia Bell. All of these videos are extremely grainy, as if they’ve been dubbed ten times over (and, quite frankly, they probably have been dubbed ten times over). I would also guess that you’ve probably already seen all or most of these infamous videos elsewhere on the web.
I never did get the lid offa that pickle jar, consarnit. Oh, and it turns out Celebs Movies Online is a fairly average nude celebrity site. Shocker!!! I didn’t see that one coming... Let’s face it, all of these naked celebrity sites are roughly the same and they’re mostly disappointing, especially when you consider the fact that all of their content is readily available for free download all over the web; it really doesn’t make sense to join any of ‘em unless they are truly great. Celebs Movies Online unfortunately is not truly great.
Trial: $6.95 (3 days, recurs $27.95/month)
Monthly: $27.95 (recurring)
Credit card billing handled by GeoTrust. Extra payment options: 900 number, online check.
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